I have a sweet tooth. And my mother like the old lady coming from the fairy story who peddles all kinds of candies. I got lost in this delicious wonder easily when I was still a kid. All the time this kind of honey comfort guide my steps. As time goes by, I begin to try to go out from the world made by being well-taken care and explore the colored world by myself. But it is totally not an easy work. By the guide of candies the doctrine of confucius and mencius strike root in my marrow, gradually become something more similar to belief.
I don’t know I am a sheep or wolf at the beginning of my birth. If a wolf was living on the fat of the land, and never ate the bloody food, she will think herself play the role of sheep after a while. Maybe I shall go out during a spell full moon to check my teeth. But after years living on sweetmeat, the sharp tooth will have a cartoon Tour too. I like Jon, Guillermo, Regina and Peter. Their life is what I dream of but still not brave enough to try. Jon can always go to the place wherever he wants. When the wallet is empty, he will just find a small job. Shortly afterwards, a new journey is coming. It is pretty easy to tell, he is a guy having ambition. But the dream does not set a direction limit for him, just opposite, it brings him a pair of wings. I am never away from my mother though it is out there. An invisible kite line never disappears. I want to be grizzled troubadour and leave the dream structure belonging to my mother. But I hate to part with the easy life. In fact, I never try the life without candies. Maybe it is time now. Why not.
Veit has said that, I seem to own a big world. but in fact, I only live in the small world around my mother. At the beginning, I just dismissed it as ridiculous. Unfortunately, I gradually realized that my real world never even one step away from my mother. I just like the shadow of my mother. When a person is happy, her shadow will be dancing trippingly. When she is sad, her shadow is sobbing. Her perspectives on this world and her definition of human’s happiness had a profound influence on me. But at least I am sure, I still have something belonging to my own. Because I never stop escaping from this kind of being shadows
走出影子
我嗜糖如蜜，而我的母亲就像是童话故事走出来的那个兜售糖果的老妇人。在我还是个小女孩儿的时候，我在这甜美的奇境中流连忘返。一直以来，这种甜蜜的安逸牵引着我的成长。可是，也是随着成长，当我一步一步走出孩提时的梦寐，愿意去探索周遭的或是好或是孬的世界时，我发现离开这个糖果作向导的所塑造起来的世界绝非一件容易事。在糖果的指引下，孔孟之道圣人之言已经切肌入骨浸彻骨髓。那种“首孝悌次见闻”的儒家文化，在无形中成为了一种类似信仰的东西。
不知道自己打娘胎里出来时是头狼还是匹羊，还是锦衣玉食，不吃带血腥的食物，久了，就觉得自己扮演着羊的角色。或许我应该在某个被诅咒过的月圆之夜去外面走走，看看自己是不是有锋利的牙齿。也或许牙齿本来是锋利无比，不过吃久了糖果，也变得卡通起来了。我喜欢Jon，Guillermo，Regina还有Peter ，因为他们的人生是我梦寐而不敢尝试的。我想像Jon一样，去自己想去的地方，干粮没了，就在到的地方寻个小工作，塞足腰包后，又是一段新的旅程。我觉察得出，他是有大志的人，但不同的是，梦想没有为他限定方向，反而送给了他一对翅膀。然而，我的每一段旅途都有妈妈为伴，即使远在天边，也总有根无形的风筝线。我想浪迹天涯做自己喜欢的事，可是却放不下身后安逸处优的生活。我想离开母亲为我构造的梦境，可是我从来没有离开过没有糖果的生活。
Veit说过，我看上去有了一个很大的世界，但实际上我只是活在围绕母亲的那个小世界。开始，我对此不过是一笑而过。但不幸的是，我渐渐意识到，自己真实的世界从来就没有离开母亲一步。我像是母亲的影子。当一个人高兴时，她的影子会随她翩翩起舞；当她伤怀时，她的影子也会随之啜泣。母亲对于世界的看法以及对人类幸福的定义都深深地影响了我。但是至少我是确定的，我依旧拥有自己的纯粹的灵魂。因为，我一直在逃离这种被影子的状态。
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